The Chat's out of the Bag
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: This is a great story about the great and fabulous Chat Noir! Get ready because there's an akuma in town and only one can defeat the evil! It's a tail of thrills and tons of action. Don't mess with my Chat-san!


So it was almost schooltime in Paris and the hunk of all hunks, Adrien Agreste was on his way to the building with his hot behind. He was so hunky with his hotness and all the ladies wished they was his bae. But Adrien was too bae to be bae. That is why he slurped his Kellogg's Froot Loop cereal through his hot nostrils. That is when the bad dude attacked and wanted souls to get on the double, and make it trouble.

"Dear buns of mine!" cried Adrien as he whipped his tushy like a pro. "I am seeing badness be in my lovely Paris!"

"Yes, I am the bad guy!" said the bad guy.

"How could you do such a ting!" said Adrien. "I won'ts stand fo dis nonsense!"

"I am too powerful!"

"I'll eat your hindquarters like pretzels and flan!"

This is when Plagg walked up in his new trousers and told Adrien's hot sauciness to get hotter. Plagg wore green trousers because he stole them from Krusha, the Crocodile Miraculous.

Then Plagg got shot by a bolt of lightning from the bad guy! He fell to the ground and looked like he was not getting back up any time soon. Plagg was very aching and not good in the health. "Adrien!" cried Plagg. "I need you to feed me cheese!"

Adrien screamed like an amazing pumpkin and grabbed some needle-nose plyers from his backpack. He ran up to the bad guy at the speed of light and cut all the wires on the bad dude's hair machine. He was using that hair machine to conduct lightning and stuff. That is what ended the badness. Adrien had saved the day and his hotcakes were now leagues hotter than Daniel Tiger's.

Until…

DA! DA! DAAAAA!

It was in Hawk Moth's lair and he was gonna get bad stuff to take over Paris! He had to akumatize his friend from Japan who had muscles. His name was Ryu and he did not like the low prices of conversation. He shoved his magic butterfly up Ryu's elephant nose, because Ryu is part elephant, and then the world blew up seven times in a row!

Adrien's hot behind heard this madness from his living room and warned the world to invest in gold. The world was in dire need of saving and Adrien knew his hotness was superb. Plagg walked over in his new Abe Lincoln outfit and yelled for more cheese. Adrien told him to wait because the bad guys were being so EVIL!

"Adrien," said the noble Plagg. "Four score and seven years ago, my booty was the hottest to boot. Now you have the most delicious rump, mate. And with great buns, comes great responsibility."

"I know that! But I am the best there is to this world, homie!" cried Adrien as he ate his pet turkey sandwich and ran around the room like a rabid warthog. Then he realized he was not a warthog; he was the best there was to save lives in Paris! He was…

CHAT NOIR!

Adrien transformed into the sleek and hunksome, and that was enough to melt the hearts of women everywhere. Except Chloe, because she has no heart.

Adrien ran as fast as he could to the battle site where Ryu was using his threatening elephant powers to kill folk. Ryu was akumatized and not even Ken could save him due to the ugliness of his SFV redesign. Chun-Li used that helicopter thing and then everything blew up because all the dead flamingos from Kansas rose from their graves to wreak havoc on Paris. The flamingos brought machine guns that shot cute puppies holding grenades. These puppies were impervious to the blasts, but the mere shock factor was enough to cause Nino to break his dumb hat.

Nino wept bitterly for the loss of his gorgeous lid. Chat Noir ran up to him and said "Do not worry, lad, I will save your hat and save all of this gorgeous land."

"Your butt is surprisely hunky," said Nino.

Chat Noir then bounced around like a crazy Jirachi on a caffeine kick. Nino screamed like a banana in a sweater and pulled out his ink-gun. This is because Nino was actually the Miraculous Inkling, but you won't find that out until season 3. Don't tell Hawk Daddy that I gave you this info.

Chat Noir then looked at his booty and fainted because it was so hot!

Ryu stomped over holding a great lion above his head. He tossed the lion at a wall and the wall broke into itty-bitty fragments. He went into the place that he had broken into and stole all the jewels and diamonds from the front desk. He ate all that shiny stuff and launched hard chunks out from behind. The deadly chunks hit Nino and almost killed him. Nino was badly hurt and cried for his Nino powers to guide him to safety. Nino suddenly grew grand angel wings and flew away to his house in Hyrule. That is because according to the prophecy about Doritos, only Nino's can become the Hero of Time.

Lucky for Chat Noir, his bum was quite optimal. He rubbed it all over Ryu and Ryu dropped his prized possession. The prized possession was a really neat bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. After the drop, Ryu cried for eleven minutes while Chat Noir acted like a jerk and shook his rump like a magical kiwi. He then pulled out his Miraculous Chainsaw and cut a=the Miraculous Cheese. Plagg ate this cheese and Chat Noir became even more powerful with his hot behind. What better way to end Ryu than to use the Cataclysm, but with fireworks and salmon sushi?

The force of the strength and power and muscle totally killed the badness and Ryu reverted back to his niceness. Ryu was back to normal and was no longer akumatized. Cht Noir gave Ryu a high five and they flew off into the sunset because they were simply the best!

Also don't forget, Ryu is actually the Chicken Miraculous from Season 14. He has righteous dreadlocks because he moves to Jamaica which is where Nino and Marionette go for their honeymoon. OH SNAP! Did I just drop dat spoiler!?

And then Chat Noir saw all the flamingos stop being bad and stuff. They made themselves into flamingo nuggets and ate themselves. In the end, the true winner was McDonalds. Burger King did not win due to the fact that they cannot compete with Chat Noir's booty. But McDonalds was looking kind of hunky…

The hippos in the courtyard could agree quite as much as well. Gregory was his name and pain was his game. That's right, Nino had returned with his newfound appetite for food and was shoving all of the peanut butter down his disgusting Nino throat. Nino's nose was the best, but not his ears. His ears had developed a new disease that was super prone to being akumatized. To save the day, Chat Noir cut off Nino's ears with a Yu-Gi-Oh card and then bought him some new ones. Nino was very glad his stupid head was saved. He smiled at Chat Noir like a freak. His face was like "MMMMMMMMM!" and his cheeks were up above his forehead. His eyes were bulging like a maniacal monkey and his nose flared with excitement. He latched onto Chat Noir and hugged his soul.

All that and more in Ladybug Season 2.

{-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
